This is the rest of what I have so far. Hopefully more will come soon.
Chapter OneI was sitting in the back row of a psychology lecture when I conducted my first experiment.
It was a large class by relative measure, around sixty people packed into one of my school’s six lecture halls. It was my third year at the 3,000-student institution, and I hated it more every day. I was on track to receive a degree in chemical engineering, for which my parents were immensely proud and which I also hated. I was taking an intro to psychology course as a junior because I did not hate it. Still, throughout the semester I had taken to sitting farther and farther toward the back of the room until I was all the way up in the eight row. There, it was easier for me to tune in and out of the lecture at my leisure, foregoing the uninteresting parts in favor of my own thoughts.
On this particular day, as my professor went on about something I had deemed unworthy of my attention, I decided to attempt to put into motion my plan. The idea had first come to me a few weeks ago in that very class, but it took me a couple weeks to figure out how to execute it and another to work up the courage to do it. I was just about certain that it wouldn’t work and never would. Even as I stood up, I doubted the sensibility of my plan.
This doesn’t make any sense, I thought. But that was precisely the point. I checked my watch. Ten minutes left in class. It was now or never.
So, I grabbed my things, stepped into the aisle, and tumbled down six of the room’s eight stairs before finally losing momentum and coming to a halt. I felt dull pain all over, but nothing felt seriously injured. That wasn’t ideal, but it would have to do.
As I lay, sprawled on my back on the second step, my belongings perfectly scattered around me. I realized no one was making a sound. Had my tumble been too obviously fake? I wanted to look around, but that wasn’t the plan. My perception of the time that had passed was probably distorted by the awkwardness of the situation, but it had to have been at least ten seconds before I heard Dr. Dunbar speak.
“Are you alright, Ben?”
I did my best to sound upset. “I-I think so, yeah.”
I looked up and saw him making his way toward me. “Let me give you a hand.”
Perfect.By my estimation, there were at least fifty different worthless papers spread across five different steps. A girl at the end of the row also began to help as I got to my feet and slowly began picking things up. I thanked them both quietly and shove the papers back into my bag as they handed them to me. Once we’d cleaned up my mess, I hastily made my way out the door. As I was leaving, Professor Dunbar looked at his watch. “Well class, I suppose we’ll cut it short today since I don’t have time to explain the next slides. Have a great weekend.”
I couldn’t help but smirk as the other students filed out of the classroom behind me, but just as soon as I’d succeeded in delaying Dr. Dunbar’s lecture, I realized I had absolutely no way of knowing whether or not the experiment had truly been a success. As I made the walk home, I tried to tackle this issue.
My actions had an effect on the class, but how can I know if they were not always intended to do so? That lecture was always going to get cut short. I was always going to fall, wasn’t I? This is so *(censored)* frustrating.“Hey Ben.”
I looked up and saw my roommate, Tom. “Hey,” I replied. As he walked past me, I turned around. He made a sharp left shortly after passing me to head towards the art building and away from the lecture hall that housed my psychology course. Had my class not been cut short, I almost certainly wouldn’t have passed him on my way back to the apartment.
The butterfly effect, I thought.
A butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. A kid falls in class, and his friend walks by him minutes later. But was that butterfly not always going to flap its wings, and was I not always going to fall? I kicked a rock in frustration.
Maybe I’m just not thinking big enough.I reached into my pocket and pulled out my apartment key as I walked up the porch steps. Once inside, I pulled out my notebook and started to write.
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Update
October 16th, 2015
I have come to the realization that nothing I’m doing makes any sense. And not in the good way. Fate knows what plans I haven’t even made yet, and it laughs at me for trying to fool it. The omnipotent can't be fooled. But I can’t give up. I know that there has to be some way to zig when I’m supposed to zag. Or maybe if I simply zig hard enough it will be enough, even if I’m supposed to zig.
I paused here for a moment to think before continuing to write.
Quote:
I realize my reasoning behind conducting this experiment may not make much sense. To be frank, I don’t have much in the way of reasons outside of curiosity and opportunity.
I hesitated once more before putting my pen back to the paper.
Quote:
I’m also not sure what sort of implications there might be should I manage to succeed. I’ll have to think on this.
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@kfpc some good points. It's food for thought, certainly.