Player Update March 31st, 2015 8:28 AM Downtown Scranton
Joey and Bryn were on their way to their regular morning meeting at Panpaka Park. This meeting was extra special because they had filled a few of the positions they were hiring for and the new employees were to report for the first time today. *ring ring*
BRYN: Hold on a sec, I gotta take this. Hello?
RYAN HOWARD: Ms. Wilder? It's Ryan Howard. You just hired a new public relations guy right?
BRYN: Yeah, why do you ask.
RYAN: I need him to spin something for me.
BRYN: Oh, God. What could you possibly need him to spin for you?
RYAN: Murder.
BRYN: Ryan what the hell?! He hung up on me.
PAPER BOY: Extra, extra! Read all about it! Ex-Subway spokes person found dead!
JOEY: Hey, kid give me that paper!
PAPER BOY: That'll be 25 cents, sir.
While Joey fished in his pockets for change, Bryn was able to read the headline.
BRYN: Well that was a freebie.
JOEY: What?
BRYN: Jared was hit by a bus last night.
JOEY: Huh. Guess there really is someone looking out for us.
March 31st, 2015 11:39 PM House of Howard
Little did they know, RYAN HOWARD had just pulled off an elaborate power grab to become the head Subway spokesperson. He was finishing the deal with Subway CEO, Mr. Subway, the night before.
RYAN: Yes, Mr. Subway, that whole situation will be taken care of shortly...What's that? Oh, yes of course I am willing to carry around my own pair of novelty huge pants!... Goodnight sir, make sure they get my order right next time for the commercial shoot, I want the fake provolone not the fake American!
Speaking of which..
AZUL: Hey, Ryan, I brought my bus over here. What the hell could you possibly need it for this late?
RYAN: Just shut up and start the bus!
March 31st, 2015 8:37 AM Panpaka Front Offices
Three men were eagerly waiting outside of Joey's new office. The oldest of the three had short hair and a beard and looked to be on the cusp of his 40s. The other two couldn't have been much older than 25, if that. One was rather intimidating looking with great shoes. He played basketball professionally and certainly looked the part, standing at 6'6. The last man had looked overjoyed to be there. He also looked like a hippy with a long beard and even longer hair.
BRYN: You guys can come in now.
They all entered the office.
BRYN: Alright, glad you three could make it in on such short notice. It's just that the season is starting soon and we're uhh.. Not it great shape.
JOEY: I'm Joey Yost, team president. I'd just like to use this time to get to know you guys. Let's go youngest to oldest.
He pointed at the hippy-looking guy, JOEY ACCACIA.
JOEY: Uh, I'm Joey too, sir. Joey Accacia, that is. Your new Head of Marketing!
JOEY: Hm... This could get confusing. Let's call you Accacia from now on.
ACCACIA: That's fine with me, man-uh I mean sir.
JOEY: So, what the hell qualifies you to be our Head of Marketing.
ACCACIA: I took marketing classes in high school and got A's in all of them.
JOEY: Oh really?
Joey turned to Bryn.
JOEY: Who's his father?
BRYN: Accacia's pitch blew us all away. You'll see the billboards he drew up very soon.
JOEY: Very well then. Alright, man you're next.
The next youngest was QUINCY WEBER, former D-leaguer.
QUINCY: The name's Quincy, sir. I'll be your PR guy.
JOEY: Ok, what qualifies you to be our PR guy?
QUINCY: Believe me, I can be very convincing when it comes time to spin a story.
Quincy could be quite the intimidating dude, so Joey moved onto the last applicant, BRYAN LEWANDOSKI.
BRYAN: I'll be your head scout.
JOEY: So you've got some minor league coaching experience? That's great. Hopefully you can help us gather some young talent.
BRYAN: That's the plan.
BRYN: Alrighty then, we should all celebrate!
BRYAN: Why don't we head to the bar?
JOEY: This early in the morning?
BRYAN: Hey, it's five o'clock somewhere.
So they all went to the bar to celebrate the new hirings.
March 30th, 2015 10:42 PM The Thirsty Sailor, Downtown Scranton
Mark Prior had been at the very same bar just the night before, talking to a bartender he had grown fond of.
MARK: So, Cynthia. What do you think of this whole Strangler business?
CYNTHIA: The killer or the team?
Mark took a long drink from his glass of Yuenling Lager.
MARK: For all I know, the two could be one in the same, in a way.
CYNTHIA: How do you mean?
MARK: Well, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret here Cynthia, I'm supposed to investigate my teammates with regards to the strangler case.
CYNTHIA: Mark, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret too. You shouldn't have come back to Scranton. There's a lot about this city that is just too dark and too deep for people to go poking their heads around in.
MARK: Like, what specifically?
CYNTHIA: You're gonna hate me for this, but I've already said too much. The only person that could help you is Quentin O'Connor and he's... Well..
She made a slashing motion across her neck with her finger. Mark got the picture.
MARK: I don't hate you Cynthia, but this is a real pain in the ass. I've gotta go.
Mark then went off to investigate his teammates. He headed over to Chris Kennedy's apartment where he knew the biggest suspect, Brian Wilson, was staying. When he arrived he prepared to knock on the door, but the door was gone.
MARK: Hello?
CHRIS: Oh, hey Mark! What brings you here man?
MARK: Just wanted to ask Brian some questions. What the hell happened to the door?
CHRIS: There was a uhm, stilts accident earlier. I'll go get Brian.
Mark surveyed the area after he left. It certainly didn't look like a place a serial killer would live. Except for the broken stilts and the multiple copies of Space Jam on VHS, nothing was really out of place.
BRIAN: So what did you want to ask me Mark?
MARK: Ah, nothing too heavy. I just wanna know if you have an alibi for every time the Scranton Strangler has murdered someone.
BRIAN: What the hell?
Mark was a little rusty with the whe interrogation thing.
MARK: Nevermind that. Can I feel your hands.
Just then, Ryan Howard walked in carrying the brakes to Azul's bus.
RYAN: Hey, Kennedy can you get rid of these for me.
CHRIS: Yeah, no problem man. In fact, I've been looking for an excuse to break in my new shredder.
Chris put the brakes in the shredder and it promptly exploded, quickly burning much of the carpet.
CHRIS: Shit!
MARK: Should I call the fire department?
BRIAN: No, they've already been here twice today that would be mortifying!
MARK: Alright, then I guess I'll head out.
Brian and Chris were too busy putting out the fire to notice.
RYAN: Everything ok, Mark?
MARK: Nah, not really. Hey, you would never kill anyone, would you?
Ryan froze.
RYAN: I'm really only maiming him though. I just need him out of the picture! He's a terrible guy anyway!
MARK: Thanks for trying to cheer me up Ryam, but I'm just not in the moo for jokes right now.
Mark left the apartment.
RYAN: Dammit! He's onto me! Chris, what's the new GM's phone number?
CHRIS: Uhh, it's on the fridge.
Chris and Brian had accepted that the fire was here to stay so they began to roast hot dogs on the rapidly burning carpet.
March 31st, 2015 9:45 AM The Thirsty Sailor
Bryn, Joey, Joey, Quincy and Bryan all went to The Thirsty Sailor where they were surprised to find Mark Prior conversing with a male bartender.
MARK: Do you have any idea when she'll be back?
BARTENDER: I don't know if she'll be back at all.
MARK: It's just not like Cynthia to take off like that.
BRYN: Mark?
MARK: Oh, hey, Ms. Wilder.
BRYN: What the hell are you doing here do early.
MARK: Shouldn't I ask you the same?
BRYN: I'm not the one who has to pitch next week.
MARK: Don't worry I'm not hitting the bottle. I've just been trying to talk to a friend of mine.
BRYN: Oh, alright then. Why don't you join us then.
Luckily the Thirsty Sailor served brunch on Sumday mornings so they at least had a semi-solid excuse for being at the bar so early.
QUINCY: Hey, Bryan I ordered some Scotch. Here, have some.
BRYAN: I don't know that's a little heavy this early..
QUINCY: I sure would hate to waste money on it though. And coming to the bar was your idea in the first place.
Bryan was scared by Quincy and enticed by the scotch, so he drank up.
*LATER*
The party had gotten a bit rowdy for 11:00 on a Sunday morning. The after church crowd was just beginning to file in and Bryan had disappeared to somewhere in the back. He came back out with a wardrobe change.
BRYAN: Urgh... hey Marky Mark! Ya like my dress?
He was wearing an apron supposedly belonging to someone who worked at the bar.
MARK: Wait, what the hell? Give me this!
Mark had noticed the name tag on the apron. It said "Cynthia". He also noticed the apron had a fair bit of blood on it.
MARK: Where'd you find this?
BRYAN: Went dumpster diving man. A nice lady have it to me.
MARK: God damnit!
He ran to the back alley of the bar just as the garbage truck was driving away, left alone with an empty dumpster. He figured he needed to look into this more. And he could rule out his teammates.
March 31st, 2015 11:09 PM Kennedy's Apartment
The fire was still burning in the living room. This allowed Chris to save on the heating bill so he say around the fire with an old friend.
CHRIS: Am I going crazy?
BABE: I can't really be the judge of that.
CHRIS: Like, your a tangible person to me. I can have conversations with you and not know what you're going to say next. A year ago I would have called myself delusional.
BABE: Humans are arrogant beings. They throw around the word "tomorrow" as if the very concept is a guaranteed right to them. They like to do things like predicting the weather. Them when something new shows up, something they never could have predicted, they prefer to deny it. So I was an unpredicted change in your life and you just want to deny it. Got it?
CHRIS: Yeah, but.. You won't appear to me in the form of a dog and tell me to kill people right?
BABE: Of course no- wait.
CHRIS: What.
BABE: I can't guarantee you'll get out of this alive without having to kill a person or two. Hey who are you calling?
CHRIS: A psychoanalyst.
_________________ "Would I rather be feared or loved? Um. Thats easy both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." - Michael Scott
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