Power Pros Forum

Bam, it's just so relatable.

Also, I'm in Yearbook class, dish, and I've been enjoying it somewhat... There are definitely worse classes.

I feel like I have to reiterate my "I'm a *(censored)*" quote on this website every few times I post.

I guess I forgot to paste the link/upload the attatchment or whatever soo...

Tomorrow for sure

ok so the extension pdf is not allowed on this website so unless someone else knows of another way I can share it, I guess we'll just have to wait and see the finished product to evaluate my script.

Alright, so Idk what is going on with me and this one girl rn (I've told Phillies briefly about it), so I wrote this short story (it's probably awful):

Ever since I met you
That mid-August day
The first day of our new journey
When you first said hello to me, I didn't know how to react
Coming off my last heartbreak,
I didn't know what to think
But immidiately, once I started talking to you
I knew that you were different
You've gone through hell
Your dad was unfaithful to your mom
Your past boyfriend broke your heart just to be with another girl
And you keep it all in
You hide it deep inside
Because you don't want to be hurt any further

When we went out after school one day
I knew you were the one
I couldn't explain it
I also tried to hide it in
Then you found someone else
Someone who put my best friend through torment until he had to switch schools
But I'm glad you're happy with him
You deserve it,
because you're amazing
He is a lucky guy to have you by his side
Do I wish you were mine?
Maybe, but I'm not good enough for you yet
I'm in no way ready to be in a relationship with anyone
I'm still just a shy 15 year-old, obssessed with sports, video games, and Selena Gomez.
Hell, most of my friends are people I would never know if a great man by the name of DarkShade didn't create a forum for a cartoonish baseball game
I'd be in a much worse place without great friends such as Dish, Phillies, jag, Brewers, lgm, Aar0nat0r (I miss you on here bro) and even kfpc. And also the great advice AOW has given me (helped me nearly win class president, something I never thought I could accomplish)

So Maria, this is how I feel about you.
You are truly amazing, and I look forward to the next four years of high school with you.
And also to my friends here at MLBPPWORLD, I thank you for always being there for me.
I'd be a lot lonelier without you guys

Damn, I can't believe I wrote all of this.
Anyway, I'd probably need to go to sleep now, but the Bulls win was too big for me to sleep.

I can tlak to members about personal interactions. CAn I go to therapy with Phillies today?

I need therapy myself first Kfpc lmaooo

you might need it for something different.

-- She didn't break up with me. She broke my fantasy. My mind created that fantasy, so I am to blame. But this doesn't change a damn thing. She's still cute, still the first girl I had these feelings for. I can't be mad at her happiness, or disappointed that I'm not a part of it. I "like" her so much that I've sat here writing about it. What have I been saying all along? I'm happy she's there, and I'm happy if she is happy. Who am I to be frustrated at this result? I found it hard just to talk to her normally, let alone do any further than that. So it was my fault all along, making this illusion I knew could not be lived up to. I'm stronger in mind for having realized my faults, so it was a worthwhile experience.

What's next, you say? Well, I think I'm still going to be friendly, and try to get over it. Maybe someday if we're still friendly down the road? You never know what might happen.

I think I'll be okay..

Aight this is gonna sound corny af, but I know you'll be okay.

Thanks Paul, I appreciate the sentiments haha.

(I want to clarify that she literally didn't break up with me, I just found out she's going to start talking to some other guy before I could make any move.)

Phillies we both made the same mistakes

I actually stopped writing for a while after I found out about that, besides a dream I had recently. Here's the next part.

instances today.. so I can remember. first, maybe looking over when she first sits down in Spanish. next, when I hop up to hand my test in, and I sense her needing some help out of the corner of my eye. at the end, she asks if we have a double period today, and we do. I ask facetiously if she likes having lab period that with Schoening, she says "no," and pauses with those eyes and that slight smile. it's almost like she knows I'm an awkward speaker and is waiting for me to mess up or sound unintelligible. I always feel overly regretful and stupid when she asks for help and I'm dumbfounded, or I drop the ball somehow. it's could be brushed off but no way, if I'm gonna be anything to her it could at least be helpful. I wonder if she's ever had to stay after for the labs, and since she's exceedingly smart and I know this, I shouldn't have expected anything other than "nope, well maybe once at Tartan Time." just reminds me how we're so different and I'm no good for her - even if she appears confused during the labs I have supreme confidence she has no trouble with Physics as a whole. on the other hand, Cam and I are left deprived of equipment most labs and therein lose out on listening to directions, so we fall behind..having to stay after during study halls or after school. those days when I opted not to eat breakfast, not eat at Tartan Time, and go upstairs to finish a lab sucked. I told her how I like seeing if other people are confused when he's explaining things, haha, and how I wish he'd just let us do the labs right way so we have ample time to finish in class. I think she could sorta sympathize with that. this minute-long conversation was a mere formality for her, just ensuring what she assuredly knows already, but it means so much for me. I couldn't have been happier to have this girl I feel such fondness for talk to me, even in an arbitrary fashion, even if for no other reason than to remind herself what we're doing at the end of the day. why did she do that anyway, she knows we have double period on D day..? times like that are why I keep this weird intimation that she knows how I feel. of all things to talk about, something so obvious. she leaves down the hallway, disappears through the doors leading to the downstairs steps, and I maintain to myself she's the one, and I can't wait to see her later on.

then, at free period, I walk the other route past her locker to get to the library. I usually try to pass her locker out of tribute if anything, and out of anticipation for when I (inevitably) give her the necklace. so I'm going through G hall with my head up, and up there I'm thinking about her probably, and she passes by to get to someone's locker. I see her at the side but keep my cool and pretend I don't notice with my headphones playing Razorblade all the way. she reaches it and I continue on but I'm of course curious if she thought I did that intentionally or something. I do remember this same thing happening before, wherein I realized she goes down the same hallway whereas I'd normally go the long way closer to F. I think I looked pretty aloof in that moment, trying not to look over at her with the music going and acting like this was all a coincidence, a happy stroll down a different path. I'm just going to the library after all! and who'd have thought, right as Tim and I line up in the library, her and Diana are immediately behind us. I kept calm for those seconds but she had to use the computer or whatever anyway. I was amazed how I can somehow see those eyes from a ways away, but it holds true. Zach decided to go really deep in English about relationships; I'd love to talk with him, Jake, and Chris about this stuff. Jake mentioned how he doesn't want his parents to know about that side and I thought about how inclusive I've kept this. I'm buying this gift, getting it shipped, waiting on it, and nobody knows except friends. that's the way it's going to stay, likely, because I need to do it, figure this out on my own. this is especially introspective, I suppose, because of my 18th birthday coming up on Saturday.

like.. I know what she has going on, and yet I went through this peculiar process & consider it as spending my birthday money, for a very particular gift, and really want her to have it anyway. why is it that I still want to, for her? do I really care this much, and why? damn, buying a certain girl a certain gift in a certain way.. who knows if she'll even like it, or the thought behind it, but feeling so strongly to follow through. I guess I really am growing up. anyway, the last time I envisage meeting her eyes was in Physics at the end of the day. her laptop starts blaring a commercial while we're working on projects, we turn around, and she's only slightly embarrassed. it gets fixed quick but I'm further concerned with that smile, that look she keeps after. yeah, it never really changes, nothing really deters me, I could hear something disheartening but I wouldn't care. every day I cherish waking up and feeling shit and tired, but knowing that we have class together soon. I cherish the moment when she walks in and sits and she's next to me all along, and the times when she passes by and it feels fated. I treasure the times when I'm fixated on her and I can swear (on all things holy) she notices, or rather just being able to imagine the notion that, by chance, she might have. it's a light in my life I don't think would have been possible in the past. indeed, it brings about an utter positivity and confidence in thinking and outlook, gives rise to good sleep on it and dreams, daydreaming and midday dreams one in the same. it fosters this fuzzy feeling in all my impulses and predispositions, in inflection, finds itself relating to music, stories, writing, everything. there's an aura, that of overwhelming, profound happiness and hopefulness, anything involving her.

I presume that's why, although I know now what I found out that day, I resolved to write about it again today, and why I remain happy and optimistic. I presume it's why it feels so right to give her the gift, in spite of what I know and its potential implications. It's my way, as clumsily indirect as I usually approach her, to show my thanks. *(censored)* it, *(censored)* what I thought originally and feeling sad about it being "over". I know completely now, whole-heartedly, how I feel about her, and that I definitely do care, and how much I wanted it, and it doesn't change that. I'm reminded and think better of that mantra every day now when I see her. regardless of whatever I'm worrying about, who it may confuse, who may be offended, I see it as a nice gesture with a shielded meaning, and altogether something to be appreciated. It's only a friendly Christmas gift, no? we can interpret this however we like, but it's the thought that counts. whether I do feel a certain way or not, or whether it's possible or a groundless, baseless dream that I admire from too far away to act on, it strikes me as befitting of the situation. I've thought about it too much now to not ultimately trust in it and welcome the outcome. if this really is what I want, and clearly it is if I dragged myself from the depths more than once and had it dawn on me, then there's no questions to be asked. there's no disputing it, doubting this and that part, I'm set in it now.

I'm going to present her the necklace as a gift, and will have no hesitation in caring about what happens after. maybe she'll think it's odd, unbecoming, not want to accept it, but I lose nothing in that case. I can't blame myself for not taking the time or having had enough knowledge to truly select something apt, because I honestly did. I wanted to know her more, I found out more about her, and thought it suitable to get specifically this, just for her. I hope it turns out for the best, and she either sees it as a nice gift from a friend.. or recognizes it on a deeper scale, wants to know the why & how of it, why for her, why all the way from Dubai, why in blue, her favorite color. if none of the above happens, there's no saying for sure she doesn't wonder all this anyway. maybe she accepts it there and then and says nothing, is curious only in secret, maybe refers to it later. knowing her, she'll give a half-smile, half-puzzled expression and a brief thanks, not drawing much from it. however, it's plausible that something like this, a thoughtful gift, solicits more questions than a impromptu compliment or a densely thought-out note could. The package with the gem pendant necklace inside reached New York today, and I await its arrival, its significance, and the forthcoming chapter. Sara, you don't know it, but this one's for you.

Wow that's deep

Wow phillies. you are making me miss the high school era, pining for girls. When every interaction meant the world to me, when it was just the tiniest thing for them. Enjoy the emotional roller coaster as much as you can, don't let it drag you down. I remember that feeling, when the girl flirts with another guy, that fire in your being that just ruins everything.

Here's the good news: you are a deep thinker, and life will probably work out well for you. Most guys like this fully develop during college, into cool, awesome human beings.

The bad news: guys that think this deeply about little interactions in high school, rarely get the girl (at least, during high school). A lot of times, girls have this block that makes them not see you as a potential romantic connection. It's like - if someone asked them, they'd say "no, he doesn't like me like that." I remember phone conversations where I opened up, and the girl was like "I had no idea!" I mean to you it's the most obvious thing in the world, it's all you can do to contain it, right? Somehow, girls can partially recognize that - like, subconsciously, but not consciously. Like their brain labels you "nice guy" and "friend" and that's it.

Either way, it's a beautiful, rich time in your life. Stay positive, don't get hurt too bad, and you'll be OK.

Wow, when I read that too many emotions went over me... I couldn't not read it, but I couldn't not read it. I felt that I could see every emotion. Crap, is this *(censored)* deep. Can you stop having me see those emotions before I just cry myself to death.

Ah, thanks for the advice, AOW. Tbh that is kind of dramatized writing when I look back on it, but it's all true. I feel like I'm thinking about it so hard because it's the first time I ever felt like this about a girl. There are some days where it gets me down since I heard she may be talking with some guy (it's official she has a bf now, a different guy) but I think I've been handling it okay so far. As in, I'm keeping a positive perspective on it and enjoying whenever I happen to see her or talk.

I thought today that overthinking/over-analyzing this stuff will really hurt me in the future, being anxious or worrying about responsibilities and relationships, holding up my end. Maybe I'm short-changing myself, I dunno, it seems like the fact that I have to deliberate on it so much means I'm not strong mentally. So I appreciate you bringing up the college development thing.

And I mean it's not like I had a chance to make anything happen with her, if I'm being honest. You can't jump into it not knowing what you're doing and get a girl to like you back. I had a hard enough time figuring out how to just talk as a friend first, so I doubt I would have been able to go further until I get sorted out. It was never going to happen, I haven't even gone out with her or anything, but I really did/do want to know her and try it someday. It's just probably not meant to be, y'know. I thought at some point I'd have the courage, confidence, the knowhow, and we'd be on our way, but nah it's more a dream that I pressured onto myself. She's too good for me.. she's talked to guys, dated, has a car, etc etc, I'm so far behind on this type of thing. But the thing you were saying where girls don't know unless you're open, that may very well be true. I don't think other guys want it, want to know her as bad as I do, but that's just me. We're past the point of me saying that, it's pointless. I'm labeled as "helps in class" and "has same physics" undoubtedly, but whatever. I tried, and all it's done is make me think over little shit and undergo disappointment.

still going to give her the present, but I'm going to be candid, like "hey, I was going to get you this early Christmas present, and knowing what I know now, would you still want it?". and she can't really say no to that. if she likes it, great, if not, can't be helped. I had the right idea, I think I'm going about it really sincerely and nice.

(here I go repeating stuff I wrote lol. I hope you guys like the writing, real or not.)